Inhibitions
by swanandphoenixsong
Summary: Two months after he lost his bending, Tahno is still uncomfortable with his new way of life. With help from friends, and some crises down the road, he finds a way to accept that he is no longer the same person he was before. Characters: Tahno, Zanami (Buzzard-Wasps Firebender OC), Michi (Tahno's younger brother OC) to see more about the characters, go to my Tumblr (my stuff tag).


_1: Invitation_

Tahno moved about the apartment in silence. It was getting dirty and unkempt, but he didn't care much. He went to the cabinet and fished out a plate and some bread buns. But he ignored the cups. He ignored the kitchen sink. He ignored the instinct to turn on the faucet and try again.

He went and sat at the low table and ate slowly, refusing to think. Of the silence. Of the loneliness. Of the emptiness inside.

He reached for the radio, but hesitated. He knew that, if he turned the dial, it would talk of Korra and how she had recently returned to the city to give people their bending back. Soon, he would have to decide if he wanted to get his bending back.

His pro-bending partners, Ming and Shaozu, had already gone to her, and received their bending in full. They had come over a few times since then, talking of how they wanted him to get his back too, but he ignored them. Then they stopped coming. They didn't understand why he hesitated.

Tahno sighed and withdrew his hand. He wouldn't be able to stand any more talk of bending or the Avatar. Amon was defeated. Non-benders were gaining more respect. And people like him were getting their bending back. People could revert to their old selves. But Tahno never would.

After their bending was taken away, Tahno and his pro-bending mates had become severely unpopular. The fangirls hadn't followed them around and spied through any of their windows, ever since that fateful night. They had never cared about him. They had never cared about Tahno. They had only cared for the cocky, cheating, arrogant celebrity pro-bender he had been.

Tahno would never be like that again. Even _if_ he decided to get his bending back. He had lost his spark, his confidence, his fearlessness. He was simple now, quiet. He knew he was inferior to other people, especially the Avatar. He knew now that he was worthless, pointless, and hopeless without his bending. Sure, he could still feed himself and live off of his money, but now he avoided any thoughts of water, he didn't have friends, and didn't understand who he was anymore.

When he had had his waterbending, when he was Captain of the Whitefalls Wolfbats, when he was adored by all—he had known exactly who he was. He had been proud, shameless, and stubborn. He had attempted to intimidate the Avatar, and then had fought against her in pro-bending. The only time when he had been afraid at all was when Amon came up to the arena, and even more so after he took his bending. Waterbending had been his life. He had now lived two months without it. And his mind still couldn't accept it.

Tahno now only got close to water when his sink of dirty dishes was too full to ignore and when bathed. He would take long baths, just as he always had, but now for different reasons than before. Before his bending was taken away, he took long baths to clean his body and style his hair exactly right. Now he took long baths so that, for just an hour or two, he could revel in the feeling of water on his skin. And perhaps imagining that he was a bender again.

Tahno sighed and swallowed the last bite of the bun. He looked at the dirty plate in front of him, then to the sink. He thought of washing the dishes. And not using waterbending to do it. He cringed at the thought. He slid his hand through his greasy hair and slowly stood, taking the plate as he walked toward the sink. He placed it on top of the other dishes. He leaned against the counter for a moment, staring out the window in front of him.

Tahno lived in the rooftop loft in one of the many apartments of downtown Republic City. With that loft came a garden in one of the four corners of the rooftop. He could see into it through the window glass before him. When he had had his bending, he had loved caring for the plants, as he had while growing up in the swamps of the Earth Kingdom. The swamp had become more civilized after the Great War. Nobody ran around half naked or scavenged for food anymore. But it was still a forest of one tree and had been respected as such. They didn't hinder the plants from growing, but instead they lived among them, in harmony. In the swamp, Tahno had learned to waterbend, and to plantbend. He had been entranced by the act of waterbending through the plants and being one with the spirit of the forest. He had loved it, the feeling of nurturing the life inside a seed, then helping it to rise towards the sun and grow.

But now his eyes lingered over the garden and the one flowerpot on his countertop and his heart dropped to his stomach. They all were wilting, and many had died. The jade greens had gone dark and were approaching shades of brown. The flowers had faded. The petals and the leaves had cracked, drier than the desert sun.

_Knock knock._

Tahno sighed, his reverie broken. He went to the door and pulled it open.

There stood Zan, firebender for the Buzzard-Wasps. Her dark hair was down, minus the Fire Nation loop on top. She wore a strapless lavender peplum blouse and dark capris. On her feet were purple heels, although she would still be rather tall without them. The outfit complimented her body in all the right places, and it was obvious she was dressed for a night on the town with Miyu, her roommate and Shaozu's girlfriend. So why was she here?

"Well, hey there, Tahno." She greeted him. She smiled and slid past him into the apartment. "You look surprised to see me."

"I am," he replied, closing the door. She turned back toward him and lit a small flame on her finger. He felt the jealousy rise up inside him. How she could use her bending whenever she liked and just on a whim as well—it was just unfair. "Why are you here, Zan?" he muttered angrily.

"Well that's certainly rude. I only came to say hello." She winked and began walking through the apartment, lighting candles and turning on lamps as she went. Tahno sighed and sat on the sofa as he watched her. Zan and he had been rather competitive in past years, being on opposing teams and of opposite elements, but he had always rather liked her anyway. She was confident and self-assured, and having that self-confidence coupled with her natural good looks, she was very often admired by many people. She would sometimes date them, but it was obvious they were only trivial to her. She didn't need affection or touch to feel complete. She was also very clever, and good at pro-bending. Her pro-bending team had made it to the finals for three consecutive years before the Fire Ferrets beat them out this year. It was a shame, as Tahno had been looking forward to facing her again.

Despite that she was certainly admirable, there was no excuse for her to show up at his apartment at this inopportune time, when she could be out with her friends or with some trivial beau of hers.

Zan blew the flame off her finger and flashed him a smirk. She sat on the ottoman in front of him, leaning back on her hands and crossing her ankles. It was surprising how comfortable she could be here, where she was neither at home or with anyone she could call her friend. Tahno was hardly more than acquaintance of hers. He stared at her, unsure of why she was there, and unsure of whether she would ever tell him. But she was just observing him casually with the smallest hint of a smile upon her lips. It was then that he realized that she was waiting for him to speak. She wanted to know how long he'd last in the silence and absence of knowledge.

His mouth flattened into a hard line, but he knew she wouldn't have to wait long. With a tone that could cut glass, Tahno broke the silence. "What do you want, _Zanami_?" he said, using her full name.

She gave him a wicked grin. "There will be a festival of sorts on the streets tonight. There will be venders and games, and restaurants will stay open late. I intend to enjoy it. And _you're_ coming with me."

Tahno grunted and tightly crossed his arms. "Not likely, Zan."

And with that Zan frowned and stood tall in front of him with her arms crossed just as tightly. "Oh, I believe you are." He opened his mouth to protest but she interrupted him. "Tahno, how long has it been since the last time you went out with friends, or anyone for that matter?"

Tahno grunted again but allowed his shoulders to slump slightly as he looked away from her intimidating gaze. "Not since I lost my bending," he muttered.

Zan went from standing tall in intimidation to jutting out her hip in pride and superiority. Tahno sneaked a glance her way, but it didn't appear that she was done with her interrogation. Tahno looked away, not wanting to see the obvious difference between her confidence and his own lack thereof. "And exactly how long ago," Zan sneered, "did you decide that you weren't going to ask Avatar Korra to give you your bending back?"

Tahno took in a sharp breath through his nose. But he did not turn toward her. He did not even try to think of an answer. There wasn't one. Tahno had not made any decisions and she wasn't going to force him to.

But perhaps, he was wrong. Zan roughly bent down and turned Tahno's chin so that he looking directly at her. He tried to shake from her grasp, but her hold was firm. He looked into her light amber eyes and saw the fierce determination and unwavering confidence Zan was known for. Then he saw the hinted smirk at the corner of her lips and he surrendered, looking away but her fingers still holding his chin. "I haven't made any decisions," he insisted, "but I suppose I've been avoiding everything about her ever since she announced that she had gotten her own bending back."

Zan gave a stiff nod but did not yet allow the smirk to surface. "Tahno," she murmured with a level of impatience, "After you lost your bending, you shut everyone out. Then, when Amon was defeated and the Avatar had lost her bending in the process, we all expected you to come back to us. That you might get some of that old spark back. But you didn't. Not even when the Avatar revealed her bending was restored. Not even when she had arrived back at the city to return bending to those who had lost it. Tahno, I fully respect that you needed to think and let go of who you once were, but it's high time you stopped sulking and made a decision."

Tahno felt a tangible ripple go through his body, from his fingertips down to his toes. Rage boiled up inside him and he sprang to his feet, his nose not an inch from hers. "Do not tell me how the rest of you worried about me. None of you spared a thought towards me. You don't care who I am or what kind of ideas go through my head."

Her face no longer held the hint of the smirk or the casual air it had before. It was clear she was just as angry as he was, but when she spoke, he voice was quiet and it did not quiver. "No, your pro-bending mates did not care. Neither did your fangirls, as I'm sure you are aware of. Miyu and I didn't care much either." She paused, taking a breath. "That is, until _your brother _came to visit."

Tahno blanched at that, taking a step back. "My brother?" Tahno's high-spirited younger brother, Michi, still lived in the swamp. Tahno knew he had listened to his pro-bending matches and the skirmishes with Amon over the radio, as they had sent letters back and forth, but he had never left the swamp before. He couldn't imagine that Michi would've done so without visiting him first. Or why he would possibly bother to visit Zan and Miyu, people he had never met. "Why would Michi visit you?"

Zan turned away and flung up her hands. "Look, it's not like he sent a letter beforehand or anything! I didn't even know who he was; he just turned up! He said we needed to take you with us to the celebration tonight, and that you needed some encouragement, and well," she paused, her shoulders slumping. She turned back toward him and gave a small smile, "we couldn't disagree."

Tahno gave her a look of confusion. "But, wha-when was this?"

Zan rolled her eyes and examined her nails. "About an hour ago."

Tahno groaned. "So you, you and Miyu, were preparing for this _festival_, not caring at all about me, _about an hour ago_. Then my brother shows up, explains to you who he is and that I need help and _encouragement_, and you just knock on my door expecting me to go out on the streets, with you, tonight, and _celebrate_?"

Tahno's hands were extended in exasperation, as if he were grasping for some understanding that wasn't there. Zan looked up, still smirking, and studied him for a moment. Tahno could see the slight pity in her eyes and knew that she had been just as exasperated when Michi had arrived as he was now. He suddenly felt his chest rise and fall in some kind of flip-floppy motion. She knew how he felt. She knew he didn't want to go out and have fun. She knew he still hated himself every moment of every day. And he knew she didn't like doing this to him at all. But his brother had insisted, and he knew how Michi could be when he didn't get his way.

And then Tahno slumped his shoulders, digging his hands into his pockets. He knew he would end up going out with her tonight, whether either of them liked it or not.

"So," Zan said, her hands dropping to her sides along with her confident and arrogant façade, "you gonna go get ready or what?"

"Wha-oh, yeah, I guess." Tahno rubbed his neck, looking away from her. "When will they be here?"

"Not long," she replied, sitting back down on the ottoman, "you can wash your hair, but don't take forever like I'm sure you like to. And find something nice to wear."

Tahno nodded slowly and walked to the washroom. "Sure thing, Zan." But she didn't turn to watch him go. She was busy twirling a ball of fire around her fingers.

Almost twenty minutes later, Tahno was leaving his bedroom, his hair styled elegantly, but not at all comparable to what it used to be. He wore clothes he hadn't worn since his bending days, and it felt like they didn't fit somehow, even if he knew that they did. It was as if they were too big and he was too small and even his self-hatred wasn't enough to fill the space in between.

Zan was sitting on the sofa, her feet kicked up on the ottoman and the radio blasting. It was one of the new channels, the ones that played music at all hours. Tahno had listened to it sometimes, but he never found it comfortable, as the music seemed to be all kinds of genres played one after another. The channels couldn't seem to decide what type of people they were targeting. But Zan was bobbing her head all the same and Tahno had the feeling that she had listened to this song before. It wasn't terrible, a little too upbeat and loud for Tahno, but he didn't mind it that much. He went to the sink and began washing the dishes. The water running over his fingers calmed his nerves and made his mind sink into memories that weren't really memories: walking through the rain without an umbrella and not whining about his clothes and hair getting soaked, walking through his garden and bending the plants toward the soft sun, and fishing in the swamp, armed with nothing but his bending and a knife.

He finished cleaning the dishes and let the water drain as he dried his hands on a towel. He turned back toward Zan as the music changed from loud to quiet, from head-banging beats to gentle dancing music. Zan relaxed against the cushions, her energy gone. Her eyes were looking out the window opposite the counter, her mind far away. Tahno smiled and went to stand at her side. She looked up at him and he offered her his hand. "Would you like to dance?"

Zan laughed, but the gaiety didn't touch her eyes. "Sure, Tahno," She said, taking his hand.

He pulled her up into his embrace and they began to dance; his right hand and her left intertwined, his other hand on her waist and her head leaning on his shoulder. For a few minutes they spun slowly, the music wafting around them. She sighed against his neck and he was shocked when he felt a tear hit his skin. "Zan . . ." he whispered, but she just shushed him and they continued to spin. He pulled back and she wiped her eyes, refusing to look up at him. He stared at her, suddenly off-balanced by the vulnerability. What side of Zan was this? Zan was confident, intimidating, fearless. Like he had been when he had his bending. "What's wrong?" Tahno asked, pulling her closer by way of their interlocked hands. For one moment she looked up at him and he saw the walls go up; he saw the defiant determination behind her tear-filled eyes.

Then someone knocked on the door. Zan dropped Tahno's hand and ran to the washroom, swiftly locking the door. He called after her, but he knew she needed a minute alone. He turned off the radio, went to the door, and opened it slowly.

"Hey big bro!" Michi greeted him, dashing into his apartment, Miyu following calmly behind. Michi was a head shorter than Tahno, but that didn't mean Tahno wasn't scared of his energy. He was loud and jumpy, his feet fighting against gravity. Strange personality for a waterbender, his mother had always said. His hair was shoulder-length and curly, and his eyes were a pale silver, much like Tahno's. He wore black boots and an outfit of blue and gray. At his waist he donned a water flask, much like Tahno used to when they lived in the swamp. His nails were painted black and he wore lots of bracelets around his wrists.

"Hello, Michi," Tahno said as he turned back toward the threshold. Miyu stepped inside as he closed the door. She was in a modest brown dress and a green cardigan with matching heels. "How's it going, Miyu?"

"Oh, I'm okay. I see Zan got you to clean up. You look good." Miyu smiled, patting his shoulder. Tahno knew Miyu a little better than he knew Zan. She, much like her roommate, could be comfortable pretty much anywhere. But where Zan was more active in conversation, Miyu was watchful and reserved. Miyu had been dating Shaozu since the first time they won the pro-bending championship. Back then, he had thought she was just one of the fangirls, but he had soon learned how much she really cared about Shaozu. They turned back toward the apartment, where Michi had now claimed the sofa and was reading the morning's newspaper. "Where's Zan?" Miyu asked as she went to sit with Michi.

"In the bathroom." Tahno said, slipping his hands into his pockets again. He hoped Zan was alright, and wondered what had offset her. Then, he decided, it was best to leave that alone until they were unaccompanied again. "So, Michi," he began, turning toward his younger brother and speaking with a teasing air he hadn't used in much too long, "what brings you to Republic City?"

Michi laid the newspaper aside, sitting up and smiling jovially, ready to joke right along with him. "Don't you remember my letters? I've always wanted to come up and visit this beautiful city of yours."

"Of course," Tahno said, rolling his eyes, "but I thought you might've _warned_ me before doing so. It would be the courteous thing to do."

"And when have you ever known me to be courteous?" Michi smiled wider and Tahno gave a slight nod of his head. Then Michi continued, "Besides, you need me."

"I need you?" Tahno scoffed, "How so?"

"Well obviously you've been a bit of a grouch ever since Amon attacked the pro-bending arena, and I knew you just needed a bit of a push to get you back into the spirit of things. I wouldn't have been able to convince you myself, so I read back through some your old letters and to see if there might be anyone who cared or who you trusted. You had mentioned how Miyu had been so caring and how you couldn't help liking Zan, so I had two options. Then, when I arrived in Republic City, I did some research—by way of asking your old pro-bending teammates, and Zan's pro-bending teammates—and discovered that Zan and Miyu were best friends and roommates. So I thought, you know, two heads are better than one. And we all talked it over and they agreed that I was right—that you needed help—so we decided to send Zan because she'd be stubborn and bull-headed enough to persuade you."

_And honest enough_, Tahno added in his head. If Michi or Miyu had come, they would have glossed over the facts, avoided being blunt about the subject. Even when Michi had spoke of when Tahno lost his bending, he hadn't even said the words—he said _ever since Amon attacked the pro-bending arena_. If they had come like that, trying to convince him to come with them while avoiding _why_ they thought he needed help, he probably wouldn't have listened. And Zan hadn't only been blunt about that, she had honestly told him she didn't _want_ to do any of this, and that she would dislike it just as much as he would. There was something comforting about having someone there who would suffer along with him.

Just then the door of the washroom opened and Zan came out, instantly commanding their attention. She had touched up her make-up and there was now no evidence of a tear ever having left her eye. Tahno bottled up his confusion and concern from before and slapped a smile on his face. "Ready to go then?" he asked, moving toward her.

She smiled back, the arrogance and pride back in her eyes. "Yeah, let's go." So the four of them left the apartment, Miyu and Michi in front, Zan and Tahno following behind after he had locked the door. Down the lift, to the lobby, and out the front door they went. The street was full of people, barriers blocking off other roads that still held traffic. Venders stood outside their stalls, advertising games with prizes or snacks for sale. Lanterns were strung up along the buildings and streetlights, and everyone was dressed in fine clothing. It seemed that even the weather was celebrating, as it was strangely warm for the middle of winter.

They came upon the center of downtown, a roundabout with a fountain in the center. There was a band playing and people were dancing in the street. On the edges, the restaurants had their doors open, people waking in and out with beverages or desserts in their hands. Miyu led them to the fountain where they met Shaozu and Ming (Tahno's former teammates), Aiko and Ren (their fangirls), and Kaito and Riku (Zan's pro-bending teammates). Miyu ran to Shaozu's arms and he kissed her on the lips. Tahno looked away from them, turning toward Zan and Ming.

"Where's Hasook?" Zan asked. When Ming and Shaozu restarted their pro-bending team and Tahno had not went to get his bending back, Ming had become captain and they had enlisted Hasook, former member of the Fire Ferrets, as their new waterbender. Tahno assumed that, as Ming and Shaozu were friends with the Buzzard Wasps, that Zan must have gotten to know Hasook better in his absence.

"Oh, he's late. As usual." Ming answered. He turned toward Tahno, offering his hand, "Hey, good to see you, man. Been wonderin' if you were holdin' up." Tahno gave him a smile and took his hand. Then Ming pulled him in for a hug and it felt like old times again. Maybe his teammates had cared more than he had thought. Then they pulled back they both let out a nervous laugh.

"C'mon guys, it's a celebration isn't it?" Michi said. He started off and the rest followed behind. First Kaito and Riku, then Ming and his fangirls, then Miyu and Shaozu, and lastly Zan and Tahno bringing up the rear. They each began to wander off, Michi, the Buzzard Wasps, Ming, and his fangirls heading for the makeshift pro-bending match being held in a square a few streets over, Miyu and Shaozu went to one of the restaurants, and Zan and Tahno walked along silently, looking at the different stalls as they went.

"So what's this celebration for anyway?" Tahno asked her.

She tensed slightly and turned to look at him. There was skepticism in her eyes. Perhaps there was a reason they hadn't yet told him what it was for. But Tahno couldn't understand why. It was a celebration wasn't it?

She looked away again and spoke softly, "it's a thank-you party. For the Avatar. At the end of the night she'll return bending to anyone who hasn't gotten it yet, and then she won't be doing it again for a while. She wants to focus on her airbending."

"Oh." Tahno said, a bitter taste rising in his throat. Had this been the whole point to their little intervention? Had Michi only thought to get him back outside, as it'd be his last chance to have his bending returned? Did none of them understand why he had avoided it for this long?

Zan sighed, turning back toward him and crossing her arms. "Tahno, look at me. Look at me now." He turned toward her, a scowl on his face. "Michi had been planning to come see you for ages, but he hadn't known how bad you were getting. And he didn't have the money to travel here without having to hitch a ride on a cargo ship. So he avoided coming until this last week, when he found out that the Avatar would be going on a bit of a hiatus for a while. He arrived in Republic City yesterday evening, and he stayed the night at Ming and Shaozu's apartment. Then he came and talked to Miyu and I this afternoon. He hadn't exactly meant for it to happen this way, but he thinks of it as a happy coincidence. Miyu and I understand better why it _should not_ have happened this way. You do not need your bending back. Getting your bending back would not help with your current identity crisis. Truly, it would only make it worse."

Tahno stared at her, unsure and skeptical. She glared back, her mouth in a firm line, but her eyes held the sympathy he had begun to recognize. He took a breath through his nose and let it out slowly, releasing his anger at the same time. Zan hadn't meant for it to be this way, she hadn't even wanted to help him in the first place. But she was here and she had known exactly what had needed to be said in order to get him out of his apartment. He let his mouth slip into an easy smile. "You're probably right." She smiled back at him and they continued walking, side-by-side.

"But, hey," she said, bumping his arm as she let her hands fall to her sides, "at least it's a beautiful night." They looked up at the sky as they walked, the night lit up with the lanterns, the streetlights, the stars and the moon. A peaceful companionship settled over them and they walked a little closer together. They stopped at a stand that was giving out meat-links on sticks. There was a male firebender standing by, putting on a show as he cooked them. Zan smiled deviously at Tahno and bought a pair uncooked. Then she lit them both and began twirling them on her fingers, tossing them up and catching them. She and the other firebender had a bit of a competition, and a crowd gathered. Tahno clapped jovially for her as she completed trick after trick and soon the man accepted defeat. As the franks were now terribly burnt, Zan and the firebender disintegrated them in a finale of flame and the crowd gave them another round of applause. They bowed and Zan returned to Tahno's side.

"That was fantastic!" Tahno congratulated her and she glowed with pride. They bumped fists and turned round, about to exit the crowd. But in their way stood Korra and Mako, arm-in-arm.

"Nice bending," Mako said to Zan, smiling.

"Nice? It was awesome!" Korra said with her usual enthusiasm.

Zan smiled in thanks, but Tahno could tell that their appreciation didn't mean as much to her as his had, even though they were each accomplished firebenders. It made Tahno's chest tighten a little, knowing that his compliments meant something to her. He looked over at her and realized that she had been looking at him. They smiled and turned back to the couple before them. Just then, it seemed that Korra finally got a good look at him.

"Tahno? Is that you?" she asked, her eyes focused on his face.

He gave her a smirk. "How's it going, Uh-vatar?"

"But last time I saw you, you were all sullen and depressed. And now you look almost like you used to."

_When you had your bending_, Tahno continued for her in his mind. "Do I?" he asked, his smirk and posture displaying how he didn't really care either way.

"But you haven't even gotten your bending back! How can you be so . . . happy?"

"Korra . . ." Mako said in a warning tone. Tahno didn't like what she had said, but he didn't let it take him over. Bending was Korra's whole life, and she had been grief-stricken when she lost it. But, being the Avatar, she was able to get it back nice and easy. Of course she wouldn't be able to understand why Tahno didn't really want his bending back.

Tahno opened his mouth, about to say something to calm the Avatar, but at that moment Zan stepped between them. Her arms were crossed and there was a glint in her eyes. "Because unlike you, Avatar," She began, smiling tauntingly, "Tahno doesn't need bending to be himself. And despite that he isn't exactly _happy_, how he is right now, _he is_ _content_. And I'm here to make sure that continues. If at the end of the night Tahno wishes to have his bending returned, you are allowed to do so. But until he makes that decision you are not to be so prejudiced and judgmental. There are plenty of people who have led their lives _happy_ and _successful_ without bending. Just look at history: Katara's brother Sokka never had bending and he was with Avatar Aang from beginning to end. And the Kyoshi warriors didn't have any benders for the longest time. There is nothing wrong with being a non-bender. I mean, just ask your friend Asami Sato."

Korra had taken a step back, and Tahno could see the anger beginning to rise up inside her. Then Mako put a hand on her shoulder, holding her back. Tahno stepped up next to Zan before anyone could begin to speak for him again. "I'm afraid that I'll have to agree with Zan, Korra. The first few days without my bending I would've done anything to get it back. But for more than two months I've lived without it. And . . ." he trailed off, looking at Zan before continuing, "I think I might finally be getting used to it. I miss it, sure. But right now, it isn't part of who I am, and I don't need it to be." Zan smiled at him, silently congratulating him on finally making a decision on the matter. He remembered when they had argued back in his apartment, and how he hadn't even known whether he wanted his bending back or not. But he knew now that he didn't. He had seen today that people still cared and thought about him, even without his bending. And he wanted to be strong enough to live without it.

"But . . ." Korra struggled, her eyes full of disbelief.

Mako wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her away, "C'mon Korra. I'll catch you later, Zan. Tahno." He nodded at each of them and they went on their way, despite that Korra obviously wanted to protest. Zan and Tahno turned toward each other and slowly smiled. She then clasped his hand in hers.

"I'm proud of you, Tahno." She said.

"Because I faced the Avatar head-on? Did that enough times when I was a bender." He said, joking.

She laughed. "No. Because you faced _yourself_. Or more of, who you used to be. And you didn't back down. You accepted that you are a different, separate person now."

Tahno smiled in agreement, giving her hand a squeeze. She pressed back and they started off, about to head back toward the center of downtown.

But then someone tapped on Zan's shoulder. She turned and was pulled into the embrace of Hasook, having finally shown up. And before Tahno could even realize his hand was empty of hers, Hasook had caught Zan in a passionate lip-lock.

Tahno quickly turned away, hiding his emotions. He refused to consider, even just to himself, if this surprised him. A minute or so later, Zan tapped his shoulder. He turned to her, his face blank.

"Hey Tahno, we're gonna go eat something. Catch ya later, alright?"

"Alright," he said, avoiding her eyes, and yet unable to not see how she smiled. He silently watched them leave, neither he nor Hasook acknowledging the other's existence.

Then Tahno quickly walked in the other direction, looking at the ground and not caring where he went. Truly, he wasn't shocked that Zan was taken, but he was surprised that he hadn't suspected it. She was always dating someone, spending her time on some inconsequential admirer. But all throughout today, he had thought she was single. Perhaps because she had been so thoughtful of him, or because the only time she had mentioned Hasook was when she noticed he wasn't with the others. Maybe she didn't really care for Hasook and that was why she hadn't mentioned him before. But she hadn't been hesitant to make-out and run off with him either.

Tahno stopped in a small alleyway and leaned against a building, needing to catch his breath from walking so fast. He looked around and realized he was about to enter the square Michi and the other pro-benders had gone off to earlier. They were holding makeshift pro-bending fights. They were allowed to have one to five benders on a side, just as long as the other side had just as many players. They had a large square cobblestone dais meant for the sparring, with piles of stones and buckets of water on the sides. Spectators crowded around, betting on and hollering for their favorites. People who were closer to the dais were sitting on chairs that they had brought from home. Tahno joined the throng, looking for Michi and the others. He found them sitting on benches that Ming and Riku must've made from the ground (as they were each their pro-bending team's earthbender). Ming sat in between the Wolfbat fangirls, hardly watching the match. Riku and Kaito (the Buzzard Wasps' captain and waterbender) sat on a bench by themselves, betting cards between them and studying the two contenders on the dais. Michi was nowhere to be found.

They all greeted him amicably as he sat on the edge of the bench with Riku and Kaito. Then he looked up, wondering exactly who was on that dais.

He was shocked to discover Michi was there, on the dais, fighting against a top-notch firebender. Michi was jumping back and forth, blocking and dodging the other's attacks. He was even able to land a few attacks of his own. Tahno stared at them, not at all sure if he should cheer on his brother or drag him away by his ear.

Instead, he watched Michi's opponent. Tahno knew him to be a man named Hideaki. He was tall and had a spindly build, and was snake-like with his swerves from side-to side. He wore robes of green that contrasted with the flames on his fingers but intensified the amber of his eyes. He had his long white hair gathered in a tight braid at his neck. He wore a thin gold chain with a red gem in the shape of a flame. Tahno knew it to be the former mark of the Agni Kai Triad, one of the gangs in Republic City. They had changed leadership a few years ago, when their members became tired of their leader's covert agenda. Tahno remembered because that was the year the Wolfbats first became champions. The crimes had been so severe and so terrible; no one had had any spirit left. Then they watched as Tahno's rookie team fought through the ranks and rose to the top. It gave the civilians something to be distracted by, something to rally behind. Then the crimes stopped, without the police ever having to take action. Since then, the Agni Kai had cleared the slate and stuck to turf wars, rather than murdering the innocent.

Tahno watched as Michi and Hideaki blasted water and fire back and forth, cheers erupting from the crowd. He realized how much of his brother's life he had missed. When he had left the swamp little more than four years ago, his brother had been eleven years old, still mastering his waterbending. He had been much shorter then and couldn't put up much of a fight when he sparred with Tahno. But Tahno watched him now on that dais, holding his own against an old man, experienced in firebending. It was astonishing. He realized how little he had thought of his brother, how he had underestimated him all these years. He had always thought him simple and naïve, despite his energy and willingness to learn. But now he was intelligent and perceptive. His nimble feet jumped back and forth, twirling and projecting himself out of Hideaki's reach.

Just then, the crowd went silent; Michi was precariously close to the edge of the dais, one foot still held in the air, poised to land on the ground below. Then Hideaki blasted a torrent of fire and Michi ducked and rolled off the stage, accepting defeat. Michi stood and bowed to Hideaki as the crowd cheered. Hideaki smiled and nodded his head before turning to accept the admiration of the audience. Ming and the fangirls cheered, and Riku graciously gave Kaito his betting money. Michi walked over to them as other benders prepared to start another match.

The others stood to congratulate him. Tahno watched as they began to leave the square and grudgingly began to stand, not sure if he wanted to be left on his own right now. Then, Michi turned round, finally acknowledging Tahno's presence. "Hey, Tahno, you coming or what?" Tahno gave him a grateful smile and the others waited for him to join their throng. He listened to them talk about the duel, and the matches before it, and for the first time in a long time, he truly missed pro-bending. The feel of his muscles pulling taut as he sprung back and forth, water following closely behind the swipe of his arms. He had accepted that he wouldn't be getting his bending back anytime soon, and yet he still missed the feeling of using it.

But he pushed that out of his mind and walked with them, allowing his constant thinking and over-analyzing to slip for just a few moments. The numbness flowed through his veins and was sweet on his tongue. A whisper floated between his ears, reminding him of the weeks when he wouldn't be fully conscious, even when he was awake and walking about. His eyes would be open, but his mind would be lost in tranquil dreams of nothingness. At night he'd have nightmares about drowning, and yet when he would finally escape the depth of sleep, he would miss the water terribly.

Making the decision that he no longer needed his bending was indeed the first step to recovery, but it was only a small step. It would be so easy to fall back into the stupor, away from thoughts of rebuilding and restoration.

But then, it'd be just as easy to go find the Avatar and have her return his bending to him. All this could go away, disappear in a flash, and he could be exactly as he was before. Two tastes began to converge on his tongue, the sweet nectar of giving up, and the hot spice of giving in to temptation. He wrestled with them, his decision from before blaring behind his retinas and bouncing between his eardrums. Would it be so wrong to go back on his word and accept that he wasn't strong enough, had never been strong enough?

The light of lanterns and the sound of the band playing wafted through the air as they entered the roundabout they had come to before, with the fountain in the middle. More couples were dancing now, as the restaurants and shops began to empty. The festival would be ending soon. Then Avatar Korra would be out of his reach and he wouldn't get another chance to get his bending back until she had finished her airbending training.

The others walked ahead of him, Michi going off to grab a snack, the Buzzard Wasps wandering toward some other pro-bending teams who were talking about the next match, and Ming's fangirls fighting over who should dance with him first. He looked over the crowd, caught a glimpse of Miyu and Shaozu, holding tight to each other as they danced. None of them had an existential identity crisis raging war inside their head, none of them had to decide between doing what was best for his future and what would make him feel better right now. His eyes landed on the Avatar, on the other side of the fountain, giving bending back to a few civilians, while her boyfriend stood off to the side, letting her have the moment in the limelight of their gratitude.

His feet began to move, directing him to go to her, to ask for his bending back. Wouldn't it be terrific to have it back, to be just as he always had been?

A firm hand grasped his jacket and threw him backward, onto the ground. He landed on his side, the air knocked out of him. He coughed and grabbed his abdomen, abruptly becoming conscious of what he had been about to do.

"Well then, tiger-shark, is this as far as we go? Was I completely and entirely wrong about you? Are you no more than a bender without his bending?" A voice demanded.

He turned round quickly, to see Zanami standing over him, her arms crossed and her eyes glaring at the cobblestones just to the left of him. Her face was reserved, the gates closed shut. He felt like a traitor, like a deserter, like he had committed some great crime and he knew he would never be able escape the consequences. "Zan," he pleaded, "you don't understand. Bending was my life! I've lived without it for two months and I can't stand it anymore. What am I without it? This?" he said, gesturing to his ashen face, and his elegant clothes that he would never again feel comfortable in.

"You can live without it, Tahno. I know you can. You've already shown me how strong you can be."

"When I have someone standing by me, sure. You believed in me, you showed me that they all did. But that doesn't change who I am, Zan. That's just me, riding on the support of others, just I always have. But that can't last forever, Zan. I have to be the one to ascertain the situation and choose what's right for myself!"

"That's my point! Tahno, right now you're acting on who used to be, the arrogant, cheating pro-bender who couldn't go one day without insulting someone just for his own benefit. But that's not who you are anymore, Tahno, and you know it."

"But I haven't changed!" he shouted, suddenly becoming aware of the crowd that had formed a circle around them. "I'm just the same as I always was! I'm shameful and weak and utterly useless without my bending. And I'm _terrified_ that nothing will change until I get it back." Her eyes went to his and she glared at him.

She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him to his feet, their faces close together. "That's what you're scared of? That nothing will ever get better for you if you don't have your bending?" She pushed him backward. "Tahno, that's why I'm here! That's why I convinced you to leave your apartment!" Her fist connected with his jaw. He was turned round with the momentum, and his feet scrambled to keep him upright. Then she grabbed his shoulder and threw a swift punch to his gut. He doubled over in pain, her arms circling him. "I came to help you, you ungrateful coward. I wanted to help you realize you don't need bending to be strong!" Then she pushed him backward, and he landed painfully on his tailbone, a sharp agony rushing up his spine. He lied flat on his back, drawing in deep breaths as the flashes of torture rolled through him.

"Alright, everyone, nothing to see here. Go about your frolicking." Riku commanded as he and Kaito came to stand between Zanami and Tahno.

Kaito kneeled next to him. "Are you alright, Tahno? Anything broken?"

Tahno sat up slowly, the three of them watching him. The pain was subsiding, it was nothing compared to what he used to experience after a difficult pro-bending match. "Nah, it's fine. Just bruises." Kaito nodded. He turned toward Zanami.

"Zanami, what's this about? I've never seen you angry like this." He said, his eyes concerned.

She turned away, crossing her arms. "Tahno was going to ask the Avatar to give him his bending back."

"And what's wrong with that?" Riku asked, his arms crossed tight.

Zan shook her head and spun round, obviously still wound up tight. "Nothing. Can you give me moment to clear my head?" Riku gave a curt nod. Zan stood tall, her hands clasped below her stomach and her eyes closed tight. She breathed in and out slowly, bursts of sparks issuing from her nose and hands. Then she lunged left and spun loosely, bending the fire in streaks around her. She pulled her hands back together, stood tall, and released a great sigh. Her eyes opened and were immediately drawn in to Tahno's gaze. He was caught in a terrible envy, seeing how the fire calmed her. He was suddenly very conscious of all the water around him that he could not bend in his current state. The sweat on his neck, the water in the fountain, even the miniscule droplets on the cobblestones beneath him. Zanami's gaze narrowed with concern, and Tahno looked at the ground, unexpectedly feeling so very empty.

Kaito and Riku exchanged a look. Kaito stood slowly and Riku sighed. "I guess we'll leave you two to sort this out." Riku said, his eyes on Zan. "Don't go starting anymore fights, Zanami." She nodded and they went out into the crowd. Her heels clicked on the cobblestones as she came to stand in front of Tahno. He looked up at her slowly, and she offered him her hand. He took it hesitantly, and she gently pulled him to his feet.

"Sorry about that. I would give you some excuse, but it wouldn't make either of us feel any better about it." She said, his hand still in hers. He nodded awkwardly, not wanting to speak. She looked away and scratched at the back of her neck with her free hand. "So, anyway . . . did you still want to have your bending returned to you? I did say that you were free to make that choice, despite how I just reacted."

His eyes met hers. He thought of how he had felt before she had attacked him. He had felt hopeless and alone. He thought of the two weeks after he lost his bending, when he only knew desperate detachment. He thought of the moment after she had attacked him; it had made him feel like a traitor, a liar. She had come to help him, despite that she previously had no desire to do so. She had given him support and advice. She had pushed him to stand up against his fear, and she was now giving him the chance to make his own decision, despite her own opinions.

He slowly shook his head. "No. Before you attacked me, I wasn't even fully conscious of my actions. I don't know if I still would've gone to Korra, had I been more aware, but I do know that it would've been wrong. Part of me wants to go to her still, but I want to believe that you were right. That I am strong enough to live without it. And if not that, I do think you were right in saying that even with my bending back, I still would not feel any better." She gave a small smile and squeezed his hand gently. "However," he continued, "I would like to go back home now. I don't want to be . . . tempted."

She nodded. "Let's just find Michi first; I don't want Shaozu and Ming mad at us later for having to lend him space for another night."

"Okay." They set off, hand-in-hand. The others said goodnight when they had passed them, but Zan and Tahno only nodded kindly, not wanting to pop the comfortable silence surrounding them. They often walked close together through the crowd, forcing occasional inconsequential touching of their bodies. But then sometimes the linking of their hands was the only thing keeping them from losing one another.

When they had finally found Michi, he protested so heartily, as if they had cruelly dragged him back by his ears to the apartment. But Tahno knew from when they were kids that he wasn't really upset, for had he been, he would've used his waterbending, and any other tactic he had. Tahno showed him the spare room, pushed him inside before he could argue more, and went to back to the front room, where Zanami was waiting for him. She stood with her back to him, leaning against the counter, and staring out the window into his garden. He came up next to her and she turned toward him. "It's a shame to see it in this state. I remember how nice it was, when you held your last party, the night of the semi-finals."

"Yeah." He looked out over it, his heart yearning to care for the plants and nurture them back to health. "Maybe I'll try to fix it up. It'd be something to do, I suppose."

"Even more than that, helping the plants could ease your recovery as well. It won't be easy, trying make yourself feel whole. Maybe Ming and Shaozu could take you to the gym and help you to get back in shape. And Miyu could take you and Michi shopping, as he didn't bring much for clothes with him, and your clothes don't fit you properly anymore."

Tahno nodded. "What about you? Are you going to do anything else to help me?"

She looked away. "I'll help with anything I can. If you still want me around."

"Sure I do, Zan. Without you I wouldn't be feeling half as better as I do now."

She looked back at him, her eyes wary, but her grin revealed her relief. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He said, placing his hand on hers. He looked away, out at the dying plants and the night sky behind them. "Thank you for that by the way."

"Of course." For a short moment they stayed there, staring into the prospect of hope, then they went to the door to say goodbye. "Goodnight, Tahno. I'll see you tomorrow, when I come to help you with the garden."

"Alright. Would you bring some seeds with you? Any will do."

"Sure."

"Thanks." He stood there awkwardly with his hands buried in his pockets and she slowly turned the doorknob.

Then, in a spur of the moment, she had turned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She buried her face into his neck and hair, and he hesitantly embraced her middle. "I'm so sorry I hurt you before, and I'm so glad you didn't go back on your word," she whispered. "You don't know what that means to me."

He laughed softly and stroked her hair. "It's no big deal. You were right to stop me." He paused, unsure. Then he asked, "but why were you so angry about it anyway?"

She pulled back, and sheepishly stared at his coat buttons. "Because . . ." she narrowed her eyes and sighed, before looking back up at him. "I can't tell you. It doesn't have anything to do with you, I assure you. But I'm still very upset about it, and if I talk about it I'll either light something on fire or burst into tears. I'll tell you later, I promise." He nodded and they hugged again briefly. Then she left and Tahno went to his bedroom. He got into bed quickly and closed his eyes, hoping his nightmares wouldn't return.


End file.
